Month: November 2010

The Point at Which I Lost All Sense of Shame

While my husband was out of town, I was a less-than-stellar mom, and took my heathens out to eat most nights.

Our local neighborhood is blessed with a tiny, family-owned Mexican restaurant that we absolutely love. We eat there so often that they know us by name, and usually have my margarita poured before my backside hits the chair. The boys love it because all the servers tease them and call them “amigo,” which for some reason, makes my six year-old feel super special.

The other night, I promised the heathens that if they were good while I voted, then we could go eat there. Had I known it was that easy to bribe them into submission, I probably would have tried it sooner.

As we were enjoying our meal (and Mama was enjoying her happy-hour margarita), my youngest child excused himself to go to the restroom. About 45 seconds later, I hear a sound. And it gets louder. My baby is in the restroom…singing.

My son never sings. Even at school and Mass, he’s just not compelled to sing, especially if someone wants him to. Imagine my surprise when both myself and the ENTIRE RESTAURANT (it’s tiny after all) are treated to his unexpected bathroom concert.

And that frakking child wasn’t just singing, he was belting it out, Bette Midler-style. I tried to get my oldest child to run in the restroom and tell him to shut up, but HE was laughing so hard that tears were pouring down his little face.

In the meantime, most people were staring at me like I needed an intervention.

Luckily, the impromptu song ended when he came out of the restroom.

And I went back to my fajitas like it never happened.

Yummers.

Get ready for “Diet Killer–Part 2.”

A couple of weeks ago, I made a new recipe called Pumpkin Spice Bars.

One bite of these, and I knew I had to immediately get them out of my house, lest I eat the entire pan, gain a jeans size, and free-fall into an orgy of Ben and Jerry’s, Fruity Pebbles and Blueberry Poptarts. These bars were so good, that they instantly became my personal Kryptonite.

In an effort to save myself, I sent the pan to my husband’s office. I was unsure what the reception would be, because I’ve been known to have the taste buds of a schizophrenic sometimes.

By the end of the day, the empty pan was returned to my husband, already washed, and with a note that said, “Thanks—More Please.”

I suggest you make these soon, and bask in your newfound popularity.

Pumpkin Spice Bars

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Servings: 0
Notes

Notes

  • 1 package spice cake mix
  • 1/2 cup butter, melted
  • 1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
  • 1 Tbsp. vanilla extract (the good stuff, no imitation!)
  • 1 (8-oz) package cream cheese, softened
  • 1/3 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
  • 1 cup canned pumpkin puree
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 tsp. vanilla extract (use the imitation, and I'll haunt you)
  • 1/2 cup finely chopped white chocolate, or white chocolate chips
  • 1 Tbsp. butter, melted
  • 1/3 cup regular uncooked oats
  • powdered sugar for garnish
1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine first 4 ingredients, mixing well with a fork. Reserve 1 cup of this crumb mixture to make the topping later; place these crumbs in a separate bowl, because you will be adding stuff to it. Press remaining crumbs into a lightly greased 9 x 13-inch baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 13 to 15 minutes, or until puffy and set. Cool pan on a wire rack for 20 minutes. It should look something like this:
2) Beat cream cheese at medium speed with an electric mixer for 30 seconds, or until creamy. Add brown sugar, egg, pumpkin, 1 tsp. vanilla extract; beat until blended. It should look like this:
Pour filling over baked crust.
3) Stir white chocolate, 1 Tbsp. melted butter and oats into the 1 cup of crumbs that you reserved earlier when making the crust:
(clearly, I may have gone overboard on the white chocolate...I'm a freak like that) Sprinkle this mixture over the filling:
4) Bake the bars at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, or until edges begin to brown and center is set. Cool completely in the pan on a wire rack. At this point, I like to chill the bars, because it makes them easier to cut into pretty portions, and I think the taste and texture is a little better if they are served on the cool (but not cold) side; After they've been refrigerated, I let them sit out about 20-30 minutes before serving. Garnish with a sprinkling of powdered sugar, if you are so inclined:
Tried this recipe?Let us know how it was!

Make these, and I bet you have a new BFF by the end of the day.

Handmade Christmas on the Cheap—Idea #1

Back when I was a stay-at-home mom, my husband and I were dead-broke for the holidays. To combat this, I spent months making homemade gifts for our extended family. Considering that I have no crafting skills whatsoever, I had to teach myself a number of things. The one skill I learned, and it has been valuable, is how to use a sewing machine in the most rudimentary way possible. I can sew a fairly straight line, but THAT IS ALL. My sewing machine has plenty of functions, attachments and other doo-dads that I am clueless about. I can literally turn the machine on, thread it, sew a line, and turn the machine off again.

However, that small skill let me make one of the cheapest, coolest, guy-friendly gifts ever. On an episode of Creative Juice, I saw Cathie Filian stitch together a few t-shirts and some fleece to make an adorable t-shirt quilt. It looked easy enough to figure out, and it was billed as a way to recycle old t-shirts, especially for people who have tons of concert, event or other graphic shirts. It also required very little sewing skill, which was right up my alley.

I decided to make these for two guys in our family. Since I did not have a bunch of t-shirts lying around, I went to Goodwill, dug around, and found an assortment of graphic t-shirts that looked like a young guy would like them. I spent roughly 50 cents per shirt. Then, I used a 40% off coupon to purchase the fleece fabric from JoAnne’s. All total, I picked up the materials for each quilt for less than $15 apiece. They were super easy to make, and the guys loved them. As for the time I spent, I made each one in less than a day, and that is saying something considering I move like a snail when doing an unfamiliar project.

Though I could not find the link to the show’s written instructions, Cathie has the instructions on her blog (and that is her picture shown above):

http://cathiefilian.blogspot.com/2009/09/stitch-this-t-shirt-quilt.html

I also later made one for a little girl with cancer, using t-shirts donated by a women’s group:

So, assuming you have basic skills with a sewing machine, and about $15 (or less if you actually have a cache of shirts), you can make a super-original Christmas gift that any guy or girl will love. If you have questions, post them in the comments section.

Five Signs It’s Time for My Husband to Come Home

My husband has been out-of-town this week on business…if Orlando can really be called “business.”

But I’m not bitter…I swear.

In case you were wondering, when I travel for business, I end up in places people have never heard of; I think that the life of public service is never going to land me in the likes of Orlando.

He gets world-class resorts, and I get aging Holiday Inns.  Not that I’m jealous or anything.

But, as predicted, I digress….

He’s been gone for nearly a week now, and I think I’ve reached my limit of two yahoo boys, a quirky hundred year-old house and my ineptitude with the wine opener.

Today, I recognized five signs that it’s past time from that clown to get his behind back in the Bayou state:

  1. I forgot to brush and style my oldest boy’s hair this morning, and the poor kid went to school looking like he got beat in the head with a weed-wacker. What can I say? That’s my husband’s job, so I can’t be blamed for subjecting the poor kid to the curious stares of those who probably wonder if I am off some medication. I’ll just chalk it up to more fodder for therapy later.
  2. I have been startled by so many strange noises that I almost called the police when my ice-maker kicked on. Furthermore, how sad is it that I took a full ten minutes to discern that the noise in question was, in fact, the ice maker, and not some mythical horror movie boogey-man?
  3. I am so bored that I’m watching reruns of shows I am way too embarrassed to confess I’m actually watching. My brain is turning into Swiss cheese as we speak.
  4. I’ve taken to hiding in the bathroom, because I need a break from prying apart my boys, as they have their 567th argument of the day.
  5. I actually entertained the notion that a few spoonfuls of Nutella was a nutritious enough meal for dinner.

Clearly, we are descending into madness…Thankfully, he will be home tomorrow…

The Halloween Party Part 3–More Food and Entertainment

Today is the first day of November, so I guess I better finish up the Halloween Party recap. That is, if I can drag myself upright after a long night of trick-or-treating with the heathens.

Since our Halloween party  was probably going to be the most people I’ve ever hosted at once, I knew a sit-down meal was out of the question. I tried to come up with a menu of appetizers and pick-up foods that was still hearty enough to keep the masses satisfied. Here’s what we had:

This was the Great Pumpkin cheeseball from the Gooseberry Patch Halloween cookbook. This looked great, but we were split on the taste. I did not really prefer it, but my sister loved it, as did many others.

Next we have:

Boiled shrimp. This is Louisiana, after all. If I had a little more time, I probably could have arranged these in some cute way to resemble a brain, but it just wasn’t happening that day.

We also had some Rye Party Pizzas:

Andouille Sausage Dip with crackers galore:

Sweet Mustard Smokies:

Spicy Tortilla Roll-Ups:

Smokey “Pimento” Cheese finger sandwiches (these were made with smoked Gouda, smoked Cheddar and sun-dried tomatoes instead of pimentos…yummers!):

My famous Bourbon Meatballs:

And finally some Corn Dip, of which I have no picture. Overall, it was quite a spread:

Once the food was taken care of, we had more pressing matters to figure out.

One of the biggest challenges we faced for the party was trying to come up with entertainment for all the kids. We knew the adults would be fine; we had plenty of food, booze and a giant flatscreen broadcasting the LSU game. However, 20+ kids can only jump on a trampoline for so long before they decide to come in and dismantle the house.

We solved this issue in three distinct steps. First, we already planned on having a pumpkin carving contest with prizes. We instructed guests to bring a pumpkin to carve, and I picked up the $1.00 bare bones carving kits (kid-safe mind you) to include in the kids’ party favor bags, as well as a votive candle so each kid could light their pumpkin at the end. However, since this was by far the messiest activity imaginable, it was the last thing we would do before the party wrapped up.

In the meantime, my husband planned a pumpkin hunt, which was basically an Easter egg hunt, Halloween-style. He found little plastic pumpkins, cauldrons and skulls, and filled them with treats. Once this idea came about, I amended the treat-bag plan, and got the kids these felt buckets as party favors:

(note the candles J and I made for the adults)

The pumpkin hunt was a success, and allowed the 20+ over-excited children the chance to burn off some energy.

Finally, my husband did this:

This is our very own balloon dart game! He filled balloons with small treats, staple-gunned them to some spare plywood we had left over from our Halloween silhouettes, and situated this in the yard far from all things breakable. He also had tons of extra balloons, and was able to continuously refresh this so all the kids had opportunities to play.

In the end, the party involved a great deal of planning and work, but it all paid off, because everything went off without a hitch. Well, except for one thing…

I was so tired that I forgot to check the boys’ pockets before I started the laundry. You’d think that after the Crayon Apocalypse I’d know better.

I now have a dryer full of melted chewing gum residue and no idea how to get it out.

*bleep*