Month: December 2010

He Needs to Work on His Delivery

During Thanksgiving break, I was able to take off all but one day of work that week. My husband made up the difference by taking that particular day off, so he could stay home with the heathens. They actually prefer when daddy stays home, because he spoils them absolutely rotten…they play, they snack, they adventure from dawn till dusk. Meanwhile, on my days off, I clean, cook and secure my title as “Meanest Mom Ever” by forcing the clowns to help.

On this particular day off, my husband must have seriously misplaced his super-dad hat…either that, or he was intentionally trying to give me a heart-attack just for kicks. I swear, not two hours after I left for work, I get this picture and text: “had wipe out, lost part of knee, leg, ankle and foot”

Needless to say, my screech was heard throughout my office, and I’ve never dialed a phone so fast in my life. My youngest had apparently fallen while riding his scooter. No big deal, I know. And had my husband called and explained things BEFORE sending a cryptic text and disturbing picture, I may have kept my cool a little better.

Well, thank goodness for all those clowns, I had a full day to cool off from that lovely scare. My youngest also had all day to practice playing dead:

I’m living in a freak-show. Send relief soon…

Never Trust a Christmas Song

I was walking through the produce section of the Wally-World this weekend, when I stumbled across something I have never seen before IN MY LIFE.

They were strange, foreign and so intriguing, I snapped up a tub before I thought things through.

What was my mysterious find do you ask?

Real chestnuts!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen enough water-chestnuts in my day…that is, enough to know I don’t like them, yet not enough to know if they have any connection to the real chestnuts of Christmas songs.

Let’s just say Louisiana is definitely not a chestnut kind of place, and I took an embarrassingly long amount of time at the store realizing just what exactly these ugly things were.

Determined to figure out what decades of Christmas-song-fuss was about, I hauled a ridiculously expensive tub of chestnuts home…and then scratched my head in confusion…what the heck does one do with a chestnut anyway? Roasting over an open fire was out…one house fire is enough to last this girl a lifetime.

So, after lots of Googling, YouTube and a Killian’s or two, I finally figured out how to roast the chestnuts in the oven. I did have reservations about a nut you have to perform minor surgery on to prevent potential explosions, but considering half the crazy things we eat here in Louisiana, who was I to judge?

I even called J to share my chestnut excitement with her, and she promised to come over and try them. A short time later, I tasted my first roasted chestnut…

And it was AWFUL! Holy Guacamole! Do people really eat these things??? My poor husband nearly gagged, and I had to call J and let her know that under no circumstances did she want to try them. This whole pan went into the trash, and I learned why I’ve never really seen these beasties around here in the first place.

Needless to say, I don’t foresee us trying figgy pudding anytime soon either…

Handmade Christmas on the Cheap—Idea #4

If you are like me, your bank account is whimpering right about now.

So, it’s time for another cheap Christmas idea that you can crank out for under $10. Hand-embroidered dishtowels are a gift that will take a little time, but anyone can do it:

The supplies you need for these are:

  • a pack of flour-sack towels (which you can usually get for about $7 for a pack of three)
  • an iron-on embroidery design of your choice (Aunt Martha’s iron-on patterns run about $2 for a big, diverse sheet of designs that you could probably use for 5-7 towels)
  • Needles and various colors of embroidery floss, which are usually only 10 cents a skein
  • Obviously, you need an iron, but I’m going to assume you already have one
  • An embroidery hoop is helpful but not dire. You can pick up a small, plastic hoop for about $1

All these supplies are right next to each other at any Michaels, Hobby Lobby or JoAnne’s.

This towel was my first attempt at embroidery:

I ironed the design from the Aunt Martha’s pattern onto the towel (per package instructions), and then found embroidery instructions on the internet. If you Google embroidery stitches, you will find hundreds of diagrams, instructions and even videos demonstrating the basic stitches. I practiced the outline/stem stitch on a scrap piece of fabric until I felt pretty comfortable with it. If you are a total novice to all things needlework, I still think you would probably only need about 10 minutes of practice to master the basic outline/stem stitch.

Once I felt confident with the stitch, I simply stitched over the ironed-on pattern in whatever colors I wanted.

 

This towel is part of a set, and the patterns for all seven days of the week were included in the $2 Aunt Martha’s pattern package. So, basically, I got the designs for at least seven towels for $2.

Overall, I was able to make three towels for about $10. This project simply took a little time and effort to start, but the finished product was absolutely worth it. Also, once I mastered the initial technique, the project picked up speed and each towel has taken progressively less time as I become even more adept. By carrying this around with me in a bag, I am able to work on it while I am waiting at an office, watching TV with the kids and sitting through endless Cub Scout meetings.

If you too are feeling the financial stress of the holidays, a hand-embroidered towel may be a great way to cut costs, while still providing a unique gift from the heart.

Why I Am Developing A Nervous Tic

I heard my boys cackling like loons the other night.

Coincidentally, this was right after my husband bought them another package of 100 suction-cup Nerf darts.

That’s just what we needed…more ammunition for the Nerf guns…after I worked so hard to make the last 100 darts disappear…

This was my guest bedroom.

By the way, those darts are still on my ceiling.

Because, if they are on the ceiling, I can’t be shot with them.

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!

Reaping What I’ve Sown, Or Granny’s Voodoo Curse?

In the course of my childhood, I was well known for being a smart-ass know-it-all. I sassed my mom like it was going out of style, and I am sure she probably wanted to pull a Homer Simpson and strangle me. Instead, she would just lecture me to no end, with her empty promise that one day, I would apologize to her for my disrespectful ways. Why? Because my future children would deal me a good dose of my own medicine, and I’d finally realize what it’s like to have a smart-ass know-it-all child.

Well, that dang woman has some good voodoo going on, because her prophecy has come to pass.

Meet my oldest…the light of my heart…my beautiful firstborn…my pride and joy…

That is, until he hit 8 years-old. Oooooh, boy….

This poor kid must have gotten a double-dose of the know-it-all gene from both me and his dad. Add to that a mind like a steel trap and a memory like an elephant, and this child gives me a run for my money. He can remember EVERYTHING I say, with total clarity, and has his dad’s gift for logic to the point that he can nearly argue me in circles.

I probably don’t help the situation with my somewhat inconsistent approach to rule enforcement, and I definitely need to come up with a response better than, “because I said so.”

I also can’t really complain too much, because he reserves this behavior for me alone…all his teachers claim he is a perfect angel.

I keep reminding myself of that, but at the same time, I’d still appreciate a little voodoo help in taking my mom’s curse off of me.

Cake+Booze=Super-Yum

Each Thanksgiving, I pick one audacious cake recipe to try. I don’t know if this tradition is my inner-child rebelling against the 6 pies I already have to make, but regardless, it is always an interesting experiment. I was inspired this year by some fancy rum that J brought over one day, and when I saw a recipe for Pumpkin-Rum cake, I knew I’d found a winner. However, as with any experiment, I had a few surprises on the way to boozy-cake-happiness. In fact, it turned into such a comedy of errors,  I am glad I had no witnesses to my calamity, lest I lose some cool-mom points for simple hilarity.

Here’s the recipe:

Ingredients

  • 3/4  cup  chopped pecans, toasted
  • 3/4  cup  firmly packed dark brown sugar
  • 3  tablespoons  all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2  teaspoons  ground cinnamon
  • 1/4  cup  butter, melted
  • 1  cup  unsalted butter, softened
  • 2  cups  granulated sugar
  • 2  cups  firmly packed dark brown sugar
  • 5  large eggs
  • 2  cups  canned unsweetened pumpkin
  • 1/4  cup  dark rum
  • 3  cups  all-purpose flour
  • 2  teaspoons  baking powder
  • 1/2  teaspoon  baking soda
  • 3/4  teaspoon  salt
  • 2  teaspoons  ground cinnamon
  • 1/2  teaspoon  ground ginger
  • 1/2  teaspoon  ground allspice
  • 1/2  teaspoon  ground nutmeg
  • 3/4  cup  firmly packed dark brown sugar
  • 1/2  cup  whipping cream
  • 1/4  cup  unsalted butter
  • 1  teaspoon  dark rum
  • 1  cup  plus 2 Tbsp. sifted powdered sugar

Preparation

  • Combine first 4 ingredients in a small bowl; stir in 1/4 cup melted butter. Use fingers to pinch streusel into big clumps. Set aside. Seems easy enough right?

    •  Beat 1 cup butter at medium speed with an electric mixer about 2 minutes or until creamy. Gradually add 2 cups each granulated and dark brown sugar, beating at medium speed 5 to 7 minutes. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating just until yellow disappears. Also easy…but little did I know…

    • Stir together pumpkin and 1/4 cup rum in a bowl. No one will know if you take a little nip for yourself…

      • Combine flour and next 7 ingredients in a medium bowl.

      • Add flour mixture to butter mixture alternately with pumpkin, beginning and ending with flour.

      • Pour half of batter into a well-greased and floured 12-cup Bundt pan. Sprinkle batter with streusel; top with remaining batter. This is where things may have gone wrong. I have a standard Bundt pan, which I assumed was 12 cups. I am still unsure of this, and do not care enough to figure it out.

      At this point, I should have bleeping known better.


      • Bake at 325° for 1 hour and 28 minutes or until a long wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack 10 minutes; remove from pan, and let cool completely. About 15 minutes into cooking time, the inevitable happened. My pan overflowed, creating a burned mess in my oven. How did I deal? I shoved a cookie sheet under the cake pan and let it be. I spent too much time on this to give up. I am nothing if not stubborn.

      As soon as I saw this freak-show, I was nearly ready to throw in the towel. However, I got a sharp knife, did a little creative trimming around the edges, and the inverted it onto a cake plate. The result was nothing short of a miracle:

      • On to icing, because what the rum cake needs is certainly more rum…Combine 3/4 cup brown sugar, whipping cream, and 1/4 cup unsalted butter in a medium saucepan. Cook, stirring constantly, over medium-low heat, until butter melts and sugar dissolves. Increase heat to medium-high, and bring to a boil. Boil 3 minutes. Remove from heat, and stir in 1 tsp. rum. Place powdered sugar in a bowl; pour brown sugar mixture over powdered sugar, stirring with a wire whisk 1 minute or until smooth. Let cool 20 to 25 minutes or until lukewarm. Again, no one will know if you happen to sample the rum…just to make sure it hasn’t spoiled or anything….

      1. Spoon icing over cooled cake, and let stand until icing is firm. Exercise some portion control, if you can. As you can see, I did not.

      Overall, things with this cake did not go as planned, but the end result was DANG TASTY!!! You should try it…just hide the rum bottle when you’re finish and no one will be the wiser.