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I think someone put a checkout line hex on me.

Whenever I go to the grocery store lately, I inevitable end up in the most annoying, slow, frustrating checkout line ever.

Example A: A couple of weeks ago, I ended up in line behind a guy that was buying $2000 worth of gift cards, all in $20 increments. I didn’t discover this happy fact until my 100 items were already loaded onto the conveyor belt.

Example B: Last week, I ended up behind a group of roommates who were dividing their grocery budget. They proceeded to argue about who would pay for every item, and kept having the cashier scan, then remove items as the total went beyond their ability to pay. Did I mention they were intoxicated and laughed riotously as they made a scene? I waited in line for 35 minutes. Then I went home and had a cocktail.

Example C: Recently, I had a checker that picked up an item, looked at it for a good five seconds, scanned it, then bagged EVERY item in its’ own individual bag. She was clearly under some medicinal influence.

Example D: After waiting in line for 20 minutes, I finally get to the checker, only to have her tell me she thinks she lost her wallet, and I need to sit tight while she goes to look for it. I might have bought it if she didn’t walk 20 feet away to flirt with another employee who was about to leave for the day, only to return without ever looking for said wallet.

I know what you’re thinking…why don’t I just get into another line when these kinds of shenanigans happen? Well, my grocery store seems to think that four checkers manning “20 items or less” lines and one checker manning a regular line (out of 35 possible checkout lines) is PLENTY for the busiest time of day.

Sometimes, I feel a lot like Michael Douglas in Falling Down.