The Story of Ugly Kitty

Here is a well-known fact about me:

I am not a pet person. It’s not that I do not like pets, but somehow, I have developed the philosophy that, unless I gave birth to you, I am not cleaning up your poo. Call it OCD, call it outright laziness, but that little philosophy has ensured that our home is just not a place for animals.

Until Ugly Kitty came along. One day, as I was out jogging, I stopped by Granny’s, only to find the single ugliest cat I have ever seen on her porch. It looked like someone chopped off its’ tail, stuck its’ paw in a light socket, and then beat it with a weed-wacker for good measure. You know the last scene in Sweet Home Alabama, where the mythical-bomb-victim cat is licking the wedding cake? That cat was better looking than this one. Apparently, this cat had been abandoned, and was hoping Granny would save it from starvation. Unfortunately for ugly cat, Granny has a deep and abiding dislike of cats, because of the demonically-possessed cat we had as a child…but that’s a whole different story.

So, I guess this ugly cat realized that I had more food potential than Granny, because when I left, the cat literally jogged next to me the entire way home. I admired it’s persistence, so when I got home, I tossed it a can of tuna and told it to go away.

Yeah-fricking-right. Ugly Kitty knew I was an easy mark. Pretty soon, I was buying cat food, and tossing it out the back door, just so she wouldn’t give me the pitiful face. That little con-artist was smart. She knew I was not pet-girl, so she established some pretty easy boundaries for our relationship. She didn’t try to come inside, she left my yard alone, and she only came around for food, or to sit in my lap if I was on the front porch. I even tried to be nice and put a little kitty-house in the carport, but she ignored it, and let me know we are just friends.

Since then, Ugly Kitty and I have formed an unusual alliance. She is not my cat. I won’t let her starve, but she minds her business and I mind mine. She lets my kids pet her, and she occasionally brings me “presents” of the dead rodent variety. Since she started eating well, she is marginally less ugly, but the name still stuck. Check back tomorrow for a picture of the illusive Ugly Kitty.

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