Is It Like Riding a Bike? And Other Ridiculously Stupid, Hormone-Driven Questions

As I approach my eighth (holy carp!) month of pregnancy, I am constantly fighting back hormonal rushes of irrational behavior. For example, I know we still have two months to finish the nursery, but as I stare at the half-painted room with nothing in it but a plastic-covered crib, I get so twitchy, I could jump out of my skin.

So far this week, I’ve cried about dropping a pile of folded laundry and having to re-fold it, the driver in front of me who was too busy texting to drive until the light was yellow…of course he made it and I didn’t, and let’s not even get into my epic battle of wills with AT&T. At any given moment, I may go from perfectly fine to unstable weirdo in two seconds flat.

When this pregnancy-induced madness hits, I do pretty well with chanting the “it’s just hormones” mantra in the back of my mind, lest I unleash the power of my insanity on unsuspecting bystanders. However, I am also dealing with the increasingly loud voice in the back of my mind that reminds me it’s been eight whole years since I’ve dealt with this:

Or this:

Logic tells me that, two boys later, I should be a pro at this whole motherhood thing. The psycho-woman in my brain, however, keeps reminding me that it’s been EIGHT, LONG years since I’ve dealt with an infant. I took the LSAT eight years ago too…that doesn’t mean I’d have a clue what to do if I had to take it tomorrow. Some information is still ingrained, I’m sure. The basics like changing diapers and burping, are like riding a bike; they’ll come right back to me. It’s the complicated stuff I’m worried about.

When we have that first bad night, will I “know” what to do, or will I be stricken with the desperate panic I felt during Demon-Baby’s reign of terror? Does it make me a moron that I’ll have to look up how often Bean should be eating, because I can’t for the life of me remember how frequently a newborn is supposed to eat? Will her umbilical stump give us the heebie-jeebies as badly as the boys’ did? Will I fret over every damn thing, or am I to the point that I’ll be a more confident, laid-back mom?

Yes, there is a crazy woman in my head who is starting to annoy me greatly. Time to silence her with King Cake.

One thought on “Is It Like Riding a Bike? And Other Ridiculously Stupid, Hormone-Driven Questions

  1. It’s the hormones talking. Lol! As soon as you hold that baby in your arms, you will know just what to do. It’s all there. Just right now you are busy doing other things. The hormones are similar to menopause….which I am just at right this moment : )
    I too can have these odd outbursts of “what the heck was that I just said????” Uncharacteristic. But soon, it will be passes for both of us! Yay!
    Best wishes on your next two months and may your labor and delivery go beautifully! Soon that healthy happy little one will be snuggled in the crook of your loving arm.
    btw, found you by way of Girl Gab at MJF. “Hello” farm sister!

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